Time magazine calls it “the spreading stain”. Coast guards refer to the Gulf oil spill as the “insidious enemy”. Some see it as a regulatory failure on the part of the American government. I see it as a reality of our culture. After many years of denial, our collective inability to sit with our own darkness has become the consuming rage, poisoning wildlife and destroying livelihoods. Our dependence on consumerism, individualism, arrogance, greed, and control was bound to take us to this oil-soaked moment. We have become disembodied, and disconnected from our innate state of oneness with the universe. We have resisted every attempt at an interdependent way of living in resonance with the earth. We have lost our way, and are now being called to give up the illusion of control, and surrender into the unknown. This massive spill is Gaia’s bleeding wound, unable to be contained, for every attempt at clean-up is responded to by further leaking into the collective. Read the rest of this entry »
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I have experienced a lifetime of inner duality, a split between my own mind and body; an ego-centric attitude towards life, mediated by a self in need of creative expression, a thinking function dominating an embodied sensibility. The loneliness, gut wrenching need for intimate connection, yet a fear of closeness and being truly seen. All there, in a play of hide and seek without a serious awareness of the game. All there, to keep me in a constant state of disconnect and isolation.
I have endured. I have conformed. I have rebelled. I have lost some, and won others. I have suffered, no more or less than another, yet I’ve always gone back for more. I have been driven and stagnant, courageous and fearful, honest and inauthentic, the good girl next door and the heartless bitch. I have loved and hated, manipulated and been used, enraged and compassionate. I have been inspiring and destructive. I have been broken, and put together a thousand times, to where the cracks have formed a beautiful mosaic.
Tags: Alchemy, Aphrodite, Carl Jung, depth psychology, Hera, Kali, Quantum Physics, Transformation
I started this blog over a year ago with the intention of bringing awareness to depth psychology, and making it more accessible for those unfamiliar with the field. In all the articles, I’ve attempted to bring a deeper understanding to current trends, psychological symptoms, and human suffering. Over the past 6 months, I haven’t been as diligent in my posts. Each time I’ve sat down at the computer with the intent to write, I’ve been blocked.
I’ve experienced this resistance in all of my writing assignments. My doctoral papers have gone incomplete, the dissertation research, at a halt. This resistance, the unwillingness inside of me is calling for recognition. The symptom is asking for a re-direction, a re-evaluation of my path.
So I began to listen…to hear the words I’ve refused to acknowledge. To allow the answers to penetrate me in the most intimate way. What is the “block” telling me? And whose words are being spoken? What am I afraid of?
The answers have not come forward yet. But it does not matter, for clarity often comes in just asking the questions. The willingness to be with having no answers is where healing occurs. The capacity to surrender to “what is” often leads to transformation.
So going forward I will write what is present, real, and felt in my heart. Coming to the culmination of my PhD program, I am letting go of the need for quotes and references to the “experts” in the field. I am stepping into who “I” am, showing up with my heart, mind, body and soul. This blog will be a revelation of my personal transformation. The vessel for my alchemy. My Red Book.
I hope that the writings, reflecting the journey of a wounded healer, touch those places in your heart that need healing. I hope that through my suffering you will find meaning in your own.
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Tags: Alchemy, depth psychology, Psychology, Transformation
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As I sit at my desk, looking out the window on this foggy Sunday morning in my home, I realize the sense of disconnect from all that surrounds me. I no longer feel that I belong in this space. That which I have struggled to hold on to feels insignificant. I’ve let go of so much over the last few years, and the process of cleansing continues.
I look around my empty house, facing the knowledge that I am no longer who I thought to be. The rooms feel cold and big, they have lost the warmth of love once present. The back yard, situated overlooking the creek and greenbelt, no longer serves as my sanctuary. My dogs, the companions of our family’s journey, look at me with longing, for they now represent burden, responsibility, that which I no longer desire to represent my self-worth.
The laughter has been replaced by silence. It is all silent……..
Tags: depth psychology, Self Care, Transformation
- Image by the justified sinner via Flickr
Transitions can be difficult, especially when we are being asked to release “that” which no longer serves our highest good. Whether it be a job, a relationship, unworn and outdated clothes in the closet, or old expectations of a planned life , the extra baggage we often carry around, gets heavier with time. Every so often, an opportunity arises for a deep cleansing, of the dusty corners of our homes, and the dark crevices of our psyches. Through challenges that are presented, either in forms of people or circumstances, we are given a flashlight, to illuminate the shadows, look beyond the fear and repulsion, and learn to accept and eventually love the most abhorrent parts of ourselves.
Letting go can be liberating. Often the more difficult and uphill one’s path may be, the richer the experience and results. Yet those moments that require a firm belief in one’s truth, authenticity and call for action, can also be extremely vulnerable and lonely. Just like an infant who learns separation and existence outside of the mother-baby bond, we must also find solace in our wholeness, while detaching from “that” which no longer serves our developmental needs. Winnicott introduced the term ‘transitional object’ in reference to something external that replaced the mother-child bond for the infant, such as a security blanket, teddy bear or a doll. In a later stage of development, that object is no longer necessary, for the child has internalized its function, and can self-soothe during times of distress.
During times of transitions, from one path to another, we may need our version of a transitional object to soothe anxiety and distress. Perhaps we find solace in a friend, a partner, or a counselor. A symbol, an image, or a favorite quote can also serve as a reminder of our wholeness. What we at times may call a band-aid, crutch, or a temporary fix, could very well represent “that” which needs to be released, integrated or even loved within ourselves.
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Tags: anxiety, Change, Donald Winnicott, Object-Oriented, Psychology, Transition
Special Note: It has been six months since I posted a blog post, and I thank Rashin for keeping our blog up to date. Rashin and I have decided to continue writing, but on our own sites from here on out. She’ll be writing here at this site, and I’ll be writing at www.brendamurrow.com. We’re pleased with the success of this blog. It has launched us each into our new directions. We will each continue to write about depth psychology, as we further develop our own unique styles. I would like to thank all of the readers we have had on this blog, your support has been felt and I appreciate your encouragement very much! And I’ll just be a stone’s throw away, so come visit my site as well!
To me, it always seems like there are times when we want change, and times when we don’t, and yet often those two timeframescoincide more than we think. As a child I used to get terribly frustrated with the local news anchors who would complain to the weatherman, “Larry, when is it going to warm up for spring?” And it seemed like not two weeks later those same anchors would say, “Larry, it’s too hot! When is it going to cool down?” The weather is just one thing that isn’t predictable, and I suppose that is where sayings arise such as, “The only sure things in life are death and taxes.” But, there must be more than death and taxes, mustn’t there? As humans, we are fascinated with the loss and gain of things. All the way back to Greece there were plays and now we have movies of course, mostly concerned with the loss and gain of love, fortune, life, health, soul- you name it, you can find an audience who is interested in knowing whether it is lost or gained. And, the reason we are so curious is because the struggle is something we all face, and so the watching of the saga unfold time and time again somehow doesn’t get old.
Tags: Grief Loss and Bereavement, Health, Psychology, Robert Johnson
Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth, “You owe me.”
Look what happens with a Love like that!
—It lights the whole Sky. (Hafez)
In the Persian culture, everything is encompassed by love, or eshgh, deriving from the Arabic ishq. Icons such as Rumi and Hafez represent the ever-present passion in the history and language of the culture. Yet there is no simple three word phrase that can be spoken like “I love you”. Man aashegh-e toh hastam is almost there, meaning I am in love with you, yet it borrows from Arabic, is too formal and rarely used. Dooset-Daram is more often spoken, communicating a liking of anything from cake to your lover.
I have to state the disclaimer that I’ve grown up in the US and spent all of my adult life speaking and thinking in English. So perhaps I’m missing something. But in the chance that I’m right, I have to wonder why one of the richest, most complicated languages does not have a simple expression of love?
Tags: culture, depth psychology, Hafez, James Hillman, Love Language, Rumi, Soul
- Image by i_gallagher via Flickr
Lately it seems that most of my conversations involve the idea of change, as if we are all transitioning into the next phase of our lives. I often feel like Hermes the Greek messenger god and guide for lost souls, traveling between two worlds, holding the tension of opposites. I have found myself stuck on this present bridge that connects the past to the future, often times sensing a state of paralysis, unable to run back to what is familiar, and too afraid to move forward into the unknown. My ego, desperately clutching to a sense of control, is too afraid of stillness. For with it come hope and the possibility of loss. I have watched myself spin into frenzy, caught in a repetitive pattern of physical exhaustion and mental duress, an old familiar cognitive loop of negative future fantasizing. I do this consciously, knowing the result is inner chaos, like an addict tweaking for another hit, just to avoid being in the gap of uncertainty.
Change is not easy, but it sure appears to be inevitable. Experience has taught me that it’s about the only thing that is certain in life. I have always been the person that’s embraced it, constantly craving a transformation of some sort, at times superficial and others a more profound experience. Yet as I’m caught in what appears to be another storm, I’m grasping the deeper meaning this pattern has served in my life, and seeking tranquil waters.
How many of us busy ourselves with constant motion just so we do not feel the emptiness? How we fill every minute of each day as an attempt to satisfy that inner void, the black hole that threatens engulfment of our existence. We seek temporary solace from suffering in so many ways, often times engaging in obsessive thoughts and compulsive behavior, just to hold on to prevent reaching bottom. For me, it’s like running on quicksand, too afraid to stop yet unable to keep up with the shifting under my feet.
Today, I am aware the more I resist, panic and move frantically, the faster the sand shifts and the more instability I feel. I am learning to surrender, release old patterns and stories that no longer serve the truth of who I am, and allow my cheek to touch the sand. This has been a long road, and the journey ahead is far from over. Yet the truth remains, that only when I can permit my ego to rest and my mind to be still, will my heart find the courage to lead the way. Only then will I live the life of my dreams.
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Tags: anxiety, depth psychology, Fear, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Transformation
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Reason and logic have become the gods of modernity. Scientific rationality, quantifiable measurement, means to explain, predict and control; have all moved the field of psychology towards a monotheistic view of humanity. Instead of a metaphoric sensibility, the human sciences use the literalism of subject-object split as an abstraction to control those experiences that are mythical, qualitative and immeasurable. In contrast to contemporary psychology, depth psychology stands in ambiguity and holds a polytheistic view. Meanings are multiple, situational and relative to both the personal and collective.
Tags: Add new tag, Archetypal Psychology, depth psychology, James Hillman, Psyche, Social Sciences
How does one define “soul”? Depth psychology makes the study of “soul” an important element of distinction from traditional orientations. James Hillman refers to soul as “the imaginative possibility in our natures, the experiencing through reflective speculation, dream, image, and fantasy”. For me, this evokes the idea that soul is a way of being, an imaginal perspective that makes space for all that there is, without interpretation or judgment; a pure state of oneness with that which surrounds me. “Soul” is a way of experiencing, a deep emotionality that moves one from an event into the bigger picture. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: depth psychology, James Hillman, Soul
