- Image by the justified sinner via Flickr
Transitions can be difficult, especially when we are being asked to release “that” which no longer serves our highest good. Whether it be a job, a relationship, unworn and outdated clothes in the closet, or old expectations of a planned life , the extra baggage we often carry around, gets heavier with time. Every so often, an opportunity arises for a deep cleansing, of the dusty corners of our homes, and the dark crevices of our psyches. Through challenges that are presented, either in forms of people or circumstances, we are given a flashlight, to illuminate the shadows, look beyond the fear and repulsion, and learn to accept and eventually love the most abhorrent parts of ourselves.
Letting go can be liberating. Often the more difficult and uphill one’s path may be, the richer the experience and results. Yet those moments that require a firm belief in one’s truth, authenticity and call for action, can also be extremely vulnerable and lonely. Just like an infant who learns separation and existence outside of the mother-baby bond, we must also find solace in our wholeness, while detaching from “that” which no longer serves our developmental needs. Winnicott introduced the term ‘transitional object’ in reference to something external that replaced the mother-child bond for the infant, such as a security blanket, teddy bear or a doll. In a later stage of development, that object is no longer necessary, for the child has internalized its function, and can self-soothe during times of distress.
During times of transitions, from one path to another, we may need our version of a transitional object to soothe anxiety and distress. Perhaps we find solace in a friend, a partner, or a counselor. A symbol, an image, or a favorite quote can also serve as a reminder of our wholeness. What we at times may call a band-aid, crutch, or a temporary fix, could very well represent “that” which needs to be released, integrated or even loved within ourselves.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=445056cf-3f19-4186-a78c-e9a65860a422)
Tags: anxiety, Change, Donald Winnicott, Object-Oriented, Psychology, Transition
Special Note: It has been six months since I posted a blog post, and I thank Rashin for keeping our blog up to date. Rashin and I have decided to continue writing, but on our own sites from here on out. She’ll be writing here at this site, and I’ll be writing at www.brendamurrow.com. We’re pleased with the success of this blog. It has launched us each into our new directions. We will each continue to write about depth psychology, as we further develop our own unique styles. I would like to thank all of the readers we have had on this blog, your support has been felt and I appreciate your encouragement very much! And I’ll just be a stone’s throw away, so come visit my site as well!
To me, it always seems like there are times when we want change, and times when we don’t, and yet often those two timeframescoincide more than we think. As a child I used to get terribly frustrated with the local news anchors who would complain to the weatherman, “Larry, when is it going to warm up for spring?” And it seemed like not two weeks later those same anchors would say, “Larry, it’s too hot! When is it going to cool down?” The weather is just one thing that isn’t predictable, and I suppose that is where sayings arise such as, “The only sure things in life are death and taxes.” But, there must be more than death and taxes, mustn’t there? As humans, we are fascinated with the loss and gain of things. All the way back to Greece there were plays and now we have movies of course, mostly concerned with the loss and gain of love, fortune, life, health, soul- you name it, you can find an audience who is interested in knowing whether it is lost or gained. And, the reason we are so curious is because the struggle is something we all face, and so the watching of the saga unfold time and time again somehow doesn’t get old.
Tags: Grief Loss and Bereavement, Health, Psychology, Robert Johnson
Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth, “You owe me.”
Look what happens with a Love like that!
—It lights the whole Sky. (Hafez)
In the Persian culture, everything is encompassed by love, or eshgh, deriving from the Arabic ishq. Icons such as Rumi and Hafez represent the ever-present passion in the history and language of the culture. Yet there is no simple three word phrase that can be spoken like “I love you”. Man aashegh-e toh hastam is almost there, meaning I am in love with you, yet it borrows from Arabic, is too formal and rarely used. Dooset-Daram is more often spoken, communicating a liking of anything from cake to your lover.
I have to state the disclaimer that I’ve grown up in the US and spent all of my adult life speaking and thinking in English. So perhaps I’m missing something. But in the chance that I’m right, I have to wonder why one of the richest, most complicated languages does not have a simple expression of love?
Tags: culture, depth psychology, Hafez, James Hillman, Love Language, Rumi, Soul
- Image by i_gallagher via Flickr
Lately it seems that most of my conversations involve the idea of change, as if we are all transitioning into the next phase of our lives. I often feel like Hermes the Greek messenger god and guide for lost souls, traveling between two worlds, holding the tension of opposites. I have found myself stuck on this present bridge that connects the past to the future, often times sensing a state of paralysis, unable to run back to what is familiar, and too afraid to move forward into the unknown. My ego, desperately clutching to a sense of control, is too afraid of stillness. For with it come hope and the possibility of loss. I have watched myself spin into frenzy, caught in a repetitive pattern of physical exhaustion and mental duress, an old familiar cognitive loop of negative future fantasizing. I do this consciously, knowing the result is inner chaos, like an addict tweaking for another hit, just to avoid being in the gap of uncertainty.
Change is not easy, but it sure appears to be inevitable. Experience has taught me that it’s about the only thing that is certain in life. I have always been the person that’s embraced it, constantly craving a transformation of some sort, at times superficial and others a more profound experience. Yet as I’m caught in what appears to be another storm, I’m grasping the deeper meaning this pattern has served in my life, and seeking tranquil waters.
How many of us busy ourselves with constant motion just so we do not feel the emptiness? How we fill every minute of each day as an attempt to satisfy that inner void, the black hole that threatens engulfment of our existence. We seek temporary solace from suffering in so many ways, often times engaging in obsessive thoughts and compulsive behavior, just to hold on to prevent reaching bottom. For me, it’s like running on quicksand, too afraid to stop yet unable to keep up with the shifting under my feet.
Today, I am aware the more I resist, panic and move frantically, the faster the sand shifts and the more instability I feel. I am learning to surrender, release old patterns and stories that no longer serve the truth of who I am, and allow my cheek to touch the sand. This has been a long road, and the journey ahead is far from over. Yet the truth remains, that only when I can permit my ego to rest and my mind to be still, will my heart find the courage to lead the way. Only then will I live the life of my dreams.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=675c8f45-6585-42cd-a9f5-9939562264d0)
Tags: anxiety, depth psychology, Fear, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Transformation
- Image by Darks Adria via Flickr
Reason and logic have become the gods of modernity. Scientific rationality, quantifiable measurement, means to explain, predict and control; have all moved the field of psychology towards a monotheistic view of humanity. Instead of a metaphoric sensibility, the human sciences use the literalism of subject-object split as an abstraction to control those experiences that are mythical, qualitative and immeasurable. In contrast to contemporary psychology, depth psychology stands in ambiguity and holds a polytheistic view. Meanings are multiple, situational and relative to both the personal and collective.
Tags: Add new tag, Archetypal Psychology, depth psychology, James Hillman, Psyche, Social Sciences
How does one define “soul”? Depth psychology makes the study of “soul” an important element of distinction from traditional orientations. James Hillman refers to soul as “the imaginative possibility in our natures, the experiencing through reflective speculation, dream, image, and fantasy”. For me, this evokes the idea that soul is a way of being, an imaginal perspective that makes space for all that there is, without interpretation or judgment; a pure state of oneness with that which surrounds me. “Soul” is a way of experiencing, a deep emotionality that moves one from an event into the bigger picture. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: depth psychology, James Hillman, Soul
- Image via Wikipedia
The issue of gun control and ownership continues to be a hot topic. One may even wonder if there is a national obsession, a sort of an addiction to guns and violence. There are many conflicting opinions on whether the availability of guns, contribute to the increasing rate of violence in our country. Just like the debate on violent media video games and aggression in children, different research, funded by interest groups on both sides, show statistically significant results to prove their point.
As much as I love healthy controversy, I’d like to avoid taking a position in that debate, and rather look at the issue of guns and violence through the lens of depth psychology. Eric Fromm, an internationally known social psychologist and psychoanalyst, contributed violence to a death-loving orientation and destructiveness that is the dominant passion in an individual, such as Hitler. Fromm suggests that most of us possess a tendency for love and creation, as well as death and destruction. Which one becomes more prominent is determined by social conditions, according to Fromm, in which we are the means for the ends of another and not valued for ourselves. “There must be freedom to create and construct, to wonder and to venture”, he suggests, and our industrial civilization cultivates a mechanistic life condition, which does not allow much development of humanity. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: American Dream, depth psychology, Eric Fromm, Gun politics, Violence and Abuse
- Image by *lynne* via Flickr
Having gone through a recent divorce, the idea of marriage, or more the failure of mine, has been a constant on my mind. I have spent many days and sleepless nights overanalyzing my projections, relationship style, childhood drama, etc., etc. After diagnosing myself with a few different personality disorders, I became determined that marriage was just not for me and vowed to never say “I do” again. Having felt better about my life decision (for now), I began thinking of marriage in a cultural sense.
Originally, marriage was originated to create an agreement between a procreating woman and an income earning man. Roles were defined and any deviance from them would deem socially unacceptable. In Christianity, a wife was to obey her husband. In Islam, she was to respect and submit to her man, and unconditionally accept his behavior, even share him with other women. The agreement was clear: A man brought home the bacon, the woman cooked it. End of story.
Tags: culture, depth psychology, Marriage, relationships, Ritual
Over the last decade, with the growing popularity of social media platforms such as Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter, we have experienced a shift in human connection. The social need for real community, once fulfilled by tribes and villages, is now being partly replaced by online communities. Social networking sites have become the new institutions for building relationships, being used to connect with old and new friends and build professional networks. But perhaps the larger existential desire is to feel supported and connected to a larger community. Whether we increase the number of Twitter followers, Facebook friends, or blog subscribers, there is an unconscious drive to be seen and valued authentically, which begs the questions “what does this desire for connection represent in our psyche? Does social media fulfill our collective need of belonging, love and affection, or contribute to our narcissistic tendencies?”
Tags: Alain de Botton, depth psychology, Facebook, Ludwig Binswanger, Myspace, Narcissism, Social network, Twitter
- Image by PaperNest via Flickr
As part of my training for the past year, I have been using play therapy as a modality in working with traumatized young children. Play is to children as talk is to adults; the natural way they communicate and resolve difficulties. The Association for Play Therapy (ATP) has defined play therapy as “the systematic use of a theoretical model to establish an interpersonal process wherein trained play therapists use the therapeutic powers of play to help clients prevent or resolve psychosocial difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development”.
I’ve attended numerous workshops and conferences related to non-directive play therapy, sand play, and art therapy and read some of the available literature from well-known experts in the field, such as Bruce Perry, Garry Landreth and Dora Kalff. Although there are different techniques and opinions on the role of the therapist, a common theme appears to be the importance of symbols for promoting psychic healing and integration of inner and outer experience in children exposed to trauma. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Art therapy, Bruce Perry, Carl Jung, depth psychology, Expressive Therapies, Play therapy, Sand Play Therapy
